A fishy tale

I was given some fish today. While I am not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, unfortunately it did not come packed neatly in a carton with interleaving plastic to facilitate a quick toss in the batter and into the frying pan. No, what I received was more like a seafood sculpture. Three large whole fish had obviously been tossed straight into the freezer where they had wound themselves into a loving embrace which no man shall put asunder. These fish, tightly frozen together to form one big fish, cannot fit into my fridge because they are 3 feet long. I dare not leave it in the sink because I have visions of the cats chewing on it in the night. The only solution is to cut off the head and tail.

I place the frozen mass under the tap and run a gentle stream of water along the groove where they have fused together. Grasping a sharp knife in one hand and gripping a fish head with the other, I start sawing. After 10 minutes of concerted effort, success - the head is in the sink.  I chop off the tail at the other end and now have one tail-less fish and one headless fish stuck to a whole fish.  Still doesn't fit in the fridge. At last I am able to get the blade into a gap and separate the fish, take off the remaining heads and tails and put them in the fridge to thaw.  I mention that at this stage almost the entire kitchen is covered in scales and bits of sawn up fish and I have broken out in a light sweat. 

Tomorrow I will be able to descale, skin and fillet them and then, joy of joys, batter and fry them. You can only imagine what the kitchen will look like after that, with trails of batter running across the stove plates and bursts of oil popping out of the pan on contact with the moisture.  Of course, it will taste so delicious it will be worth the pain.  So thank you for your kind and generous gift, but please spare a thought for the poor fishwife next time you toss your catch so carelessly into the freezer. I'll pay you to clean it.