In loving memory of our mother

One cannot adequately sum up the life of a person in a few paragraphs, but you are all here today, not as a sense of duty, but out of love and respect for the person my mother was. Dad says she saw herself as the biblical Martha, whose domain was the kitchen. But Martha had a sister, Mary, and he assures us that Mother was also Mary.

She was the most unassuming and self–effacing person. She saw her life purpose as service to others, never seeking recognition for her deeds, and always putting the needs of others before her own.  She involved herself in many charitable organisations and was a stalwart of St Margaret’s over the last 55 years and an active member of the choir until the last. Throughout her life, she drew strength and inspiration from her faith in the Lord and a life ever after. She was a woman with opinions, without being opinionated, and never forced her views on anyone else. She once told me that as she hadn’t been given the greatest brain (a misguided idea passed on to her by an incompetent teacher in her youth), she asked God to give her an understanding heart. What a remarkable request.

Ask and ye shall receive.

Her understanding heart allowed her to view everyone she met in the best possible light, without judgment or criticism, and there can be no doubt that their lives were all enriched through knowing her, whether as a lifelong friend or passing acquaintance. Your presence here today is evidence of that and is greatly appreciated.

As a young nurse, my mother was introduced to the brother of a good friend. This brief meeting was on a bus, and a while later, they passed while boarding and alighting from a train. The handsome young engineer recognised these two chance meetings for what they were, and asked her to the cinema. He proposed to her on that first date and they celebrated their 63^rd anniversary in February – truly a marriage made in heaven. My father’s secret was that although there were things about Mom that he found irritating, he chose to ignore them. Her secret was to give the impression that Father Was Always Right, even if she disagreed. An inspiration to us all.

As a wife and mother she had no fault, and we can only hope that we made our appreciation quite clear to her. There were only two occasions when her halo slipped. Once she decided to have a change in the menu and served goat for dinner – we put in a special request not to do that again. And the other was pruning the lemon tree, which subsequently died after being a prolific bearer for many years. That remains a family joke, but in all seriousness, I can think of no other failings.

My mother loved her garden in Clovelly, filled with trees and shrubs which attract a constant twitter of birdlife, tortoises, the odd buck, a resident cobra and porcupines – the bane of her life as they ate her seedlings within hours of planting. She was so grateful to be able to continue living in the family home well into her 80s although no longer able to cope with all the steps, thanks to my sister Gillian, who attends to their every need. Only last week we talked about the importance of living every day to the fullest and she said that she and Dad had far exceeded their expectations of longevity and were going to officially join the SKIN club. Spend Kids Inheritance Now! I told her to go ahead and enjoy it and can take comfort in the knowledge that they had already been members for some years.

Although never in robust health, my mother never drew attention to her discomfort, to such an extent that we were largely unaware of it. Her unfailing cheerfulness and determination not to cause inconvenience to any of us endured to the very end. She had no fear of death, recognising that the body is just a vessel for the spirit which endures for all eternity, and we spoke about it many times. She accepted that her ailing heart was tired and assured us that she had had a most wonderful life with no regrets. Her only fear was that she should lose her mind while her body was still able, or that she would go through a long period of suffering. She asked God to make it as easy as possible.

Ask and ye shall receive.

We will miss her physical presence enormously, but her spirit will be with us forever. It will be in the wind that ruffles our hair, the warmth of the sun on a fine winter’s day and the gentle rain bringing life to her beloved garden. Until we meet again.