After a spate of home invasions in the vicinity of our house, He Who Can Fix Anything has decided that I should investigate the cause of every barking dog in the neighbourhood. If an alarm goes off, he wants to know which house it is at, and if a car with a particularly noisy exhaust goes by in the street, he thinks I should know who is driving it. And all this from the comfort of his bed, where he reclines against suitably plumped up continental pillows, surrounded by his doggies and the occasional cat, in the evening after dinner. The TV is on and he is watching Crime and Investigation, or Women Who Kill and his personal favourite, Disappeared.
He has an overactive imagination after watching these shows. He picks up on all kinds of incidents that he can relate to his household and says, Yes, Yes, you see... as if I am going to take some notice. I think he is on the lookout for tips on Women Who Kill (I tell him all the time that I have plenty of poisonous plants in the garden that I can grate into his food when I feel so inclined), but he would do better to rather treat me like a queen and move on to another programme, like the Dog Whisperer, where he can pick up tips on how to control your dogs!
Another favourite of his, Disappeared, relates stories of teenage girls who go out clubbing and are last seen leaving the club in the company of a strange man. He obsesses over the possibility that it could happen to his daughter, despite her not going clubbing (at least, not anymore) and the unlikely event of her picking up a stranger, but he trusts nothing and nobody, apparently.
But over the last few weeks, we have had a respite from the constant onslaught of murder and mayhem coming from the small screen, as he has discovered synchronised swimming. Who would have thought? Admittedly it is all very skilful and athletic and one can only admire the dedication of people who are prepared to practice for ten hours a day in a swimming pool (I cannot imagine what they look like when they come out!). He finds it so fascinating that he even stays awake till about 10pm, something not even motorsport (his first love) can inspire. He's usually asleep after the first three laps of a grand prix, although he never misses them.
The world championships for swimming in Barcelona are now over, so no doubt it will be back to the crime channels. Or even worse, cage fighting. Don't let me get started on that...
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